## Numerology, Nomnom, and Numbskulls

Some branches of mysticism have sought to find God through math. For example, there is an entire branch of Hebrew mysticism known as Gematria, which is dedicated to finding secret meanings in text. For those who are not familiar with ancient alphabets, numbers are frequently represented in some form by letters. Roman numerals may be the most obvious example, but in both Greek and Hebrew single letters carried a numeric value. For example, both the Greek alpha and the Hebrew aleph carry the value of one. I suspect that some of my readers now expect me to start a discussion on something like the values behind the divine name YHWH, but instead, we’re going to look at the Tetranomaton: NMNM.

It is logical to conclude that the divine name of Nomnom follows Hebrew alephbetic values, since it fits his context. The great grandfather of one of the Daisy Cup factory workers once studied Hebrew at university, and he currently resides with two strange characters, one of whom had a wild haircut when he was studying Hebrew.

Since an extremely firm contextual basis for Nomnom’s name has been established, we can now proceed to study its divine form. In Hebrew, the letter mem (if it sounds like someone choking on a walnut screaming as they are being thrown into a wood chipper, you’re pronouncing it right) has a value of 40. The letter nun (if it sounds like someone choking on a walnut screaming as they are being thrown into a wood chipper, you’re pronouncing it right) has a value of 50. Since the Hebrew alephbet has no vowels, and the Latin letter “o” looks an awful lot like the Arabic numeral “0”, these are the two letter pairs that make up the Tetranomaton: NMNM. Now we shall get into the actual study of mystical math.

N is worth both 40 and 5, hence we might say it’s worth 45 (The careful reader might notice that this appears to be a contradiction, however, the values of nun as 40 and 5 are being attested in more and more ancient manuscripts, including several notably Qumran ones: 4Q504 and 3Q345.)
It may be noted that there are two Ns in NMNM. Hence 2N=90
And since, as we’ve already covered, 0=0, 90=9(+0)=9
So N=9.

Now M is a trickier one to figure out.
However, we may not that two M=2(50) and hence 100.
It is important to remember that N is before M alphabetically
Hence one might say that M is in fact greater than N by 1 .
So 2M-N (because in Numerology, everything has its place) so 2(100)-N
But 0=0 again. So 10(+0)-N becomes 10-N
Now remember N=9, as we covered above.
What we’re left with becomes 10-9.
So M=1.

Let’s summarize:
NMNM: N=9, M=1

But let us recall the divine form of Nomnom (in his incarnational state, of course):

N           M           N            M

N            +         +           M

N       \/\/\/\/      M

N                      M

Now lets total up those Nom-numbers: NMNMNMNMNM
So basically (9+1)+ (9+1)+ (9+1)+ (9+1)+ (9+1)
Which comes to 50!

Oh, but now you wish to know the meaning of all this brilliance…
You see 50 must be examined in relation to the number 18. Why 18 you ask? Because 18 symbolizes life. And Nomnom, being a potent being, must have decided to reveal a part of his nature to us through bizarre number games. Hence we can conclude that Nomnom is 50/18th life. Ergo Nomnom is 278% of life! Not only is Nomnom the meaning of life, he’s the meaning of your life if you had to undergo it three whole times! Now where would we be without the secrets of numerology to enlighten us to life’s greatest mysteries?